My testimony January 17 2010
My walk with god has been a start, stop relationship. When I was a child, I along with my brothers and sisters were encouraged to go to Sunday school, where I learnt about Jesus & God &that I should be good. I was taught right from wrong and this teaching stuck with me all my way through infant & junior school.
For most of us, this teaching sticks with us until we are old & no longer feel god can use us.
As I was growing up and through my teenage years it got to the point where church took over my life. I would go up to three times on Sunday, youth group on Friday, confirmation classes on Tuesdays & choir practice on Thursday. This meant I didn’t have much spare time to do what I really enjoyed and that was playing football. A passion I still have today!
It got to a stage when I would rather play football on Sundays than go to church. My friends would take the mickey out of me and I hated them for that and found I began to not like what God was representing - a no fun guy! I like most teenagers left the church as soon as I could. However, I do not think I ever lost my teachings and what I learnt at church. Thankfully!!
I was almost certain that God wasn't a good God, how could he be when he allowed certain things to happen to me that shouldn’t have done. Why wasn't I able to sense God with me in the dark early hours when I was being abused in the downstairs shed or outside toilet, things that were happening to me personally from the age of five until I was 13, but also to those closest to me, such as my dad’s early death at 54, my first marriage breakdown after eighteen months when my older sister went off with my husband, causing me to lose trust in people especially family members who I should have been able to trust or turn to?
I remarried and was blessed to have two children of my own, Abi and James, who supported me at my baptism.
They became good friends with some children at the Salvation Army in Fakenham, & it is partly due to my children and friends like Adrian and Sandra that I have to thank for where I find myself today in my walk with God & getting to this point of baptism today. It was through going with Abi and James to their Sunday school classes & seeing God at work in their lives that opened my heart and mind to seek what was missing in my life! GOD!!
I was able to enjoy a fulfilling time at the SA until the end of last year, when I felt that God was talking to me and testing me about where I felt I should be and how was my trust in God and my growth in faith. To be honest my faith was at rock bottom, my trust in God or anyone was much deeper than that. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and I began to believe that God did not want anything to do with me anymore. How could he when my husband’s bipolar disorder nearly destroyed him by wanting to commit suicide, my daughter’s life a mess in one way and another, my mother having been diagnosed with cancer, my son’s 14-year-old girlfriend fighting cancer, having chemotherapy, Oh, and not forgetting my own clinical depression.
Where was God?
Then I prayed to God in despair one day & asked he help me with all that I was dealing with & one by one things began to happen. My hubby got well, my daughter’s life was more settled, mum was successfully cured of her cancer, and James’s girlfriend responding well to treatment. With these entire things only God could have done this.
This brings me to where I am today. I believe God led me to this place. From the first moment, I met Nicky on that Friday morning back in October last year to coming here and doing the Alpha course, my life has been changed through the constant grace & love of Jesus Christ! After many years, I finally gave my life to Jesus on November 18 2009 at 8.45pm during an alpha session, praying the prayer in my heart that I wanted Jesus to be my Lord and Saviour & be born again. On Sunday 10 January 2010, I prayed the prayer with Jon about placing all my trust in Jesus & giving my all to him. There is a chorus I used to sing and I would like to share these words with you.
All there is of me, lord, all there is of me, time and talents, day by day, all I bring to thee: all there is of me, lord, all there is of me, on thine alter here I lay all there is of me.
And that's what I want to give to God today a faithful, loving, trusting heart that makes me a follower of him.
I'm filled with the deepest love & grace. I can never fully understand the amazement of such love that Jesus died for me! How amazing is that.
Gail